As the saying goes, "Floods rely on
channeling rather than blocking." It is crucial to have a good attitude.
When we or our important relatives around us are depressed or encounter minor
psychological problems, we must provide timely guidance, otherwise the problem
may escalate. There are many methods of psychological counseling, and language
is the basic tool of psychological counseling therapy. Learn to chat well with
family and friends, reduce, alleviate, and eliminate psychological obstacles,
transform personality defects all are Other Words for Good Attitude and become a better man.
A. Pay attention to several negative manifestations of emotions in daily life
1. Speaking is an art, and it is not advisable to speak with a sharp tongue and a soft heart.
A well known saying "A kind word warms you for three winters, but a
bad word hurts you for six months". There are thousands of ways to communicate
in the world, and speaking with a knife is the most undesirable way. Emotions
are very fragile and should be maintained and managed carefully. The mouth of a
knife is like a nail nailed on a board. Even if it is pulled out in the future,
there will still be traces that cannot be repaired. A sharp mouth is also a
kind of weapon. Seriously speaking, it is a kind of verbal violence. You must
consider the feelings of the listener when speaking. Try to achieve a personality of emotional intelligence with high category.
2. Try not to make decisions when you are angry.
Don't make promises when you're happy, don't
answer when you're sad, don't make decisions when you're angry. Because when
people are angry, they will use their own passion to do things that they
regret. To put it bluntly, when people are angry, they do nothing without
thinking. In short, don't be emotional in anything you do. This is where you
need to do things calmly and think twice before acting.
What did Lincoln do? When he was particularly
angry and hated someone, he would write an abusive letter, but instead of
sending it, he would burn it. This method of venting would not hurt anyone.
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3. "Grudges" will affect your forward speed.
Make additions to life and make subtractions to life. Hating others for reason or without is a great loss to your personality. Keep this flush from your mind That the opposite of love is hate, it is just indifference. He always smiles and laughs at the ridiculous things in the world. A well know saying that "A big belly can tolerate things that are difficult to tolerate in the world". If people are narrow-minded, it will always be difficult to calm their hearts; learn to be generous and forgive others' shortcomings and mistakes. You will not have the explosive power of an atomic bomb, you will still be you. There is nothing to be afraid of, only mutual respect. I am in full bloom and the breeze is blowing. Be remember that the world most important thing is yourself and rest is not.
4. Coaching on emotions, personality, and mentality.
The work is accomplished by hard work but not by
play, and the success is achieved by thinking and destroyed by casualness.
Absorb the essence and discard the dross. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes,
put yourself down, and treat everyone equally. Starting from the trivial
matters of the family, you can think about it. Everyone will play different
roles in their life. The daughter-in-law will become the mother-in-law, and the
son-in-law will become the father-in-law. If it is not possible for you then same for others too. If others can do it, you can't do it. When things happen
to you, tell yourself to learn to be grateful.
5. It’s not that you don’t want to be angry, but why you should be angry.
Understanding the perspective of things is very
important! If you have the right angle, you will look at people and things
softly. If the angle is wrong, you will have persecution delusions. You will
feel that many people are targeting you, and then you will doubt yourself,
whether you have done something wrong, and then others are right. And me?
Refine your correct outlook on life, have your own principles and bottom lines,
and then learn to get along with others. There will be a great enlightenment or
a sudden awakening. What is not allowed to be touched by others? Is that kind
of handling style reasonable? People are social beings and cannot close
themselves in a small space. They must learn to accept it. Look at someone you
don't like and think about why you don't like them. What you call his
shortcomings are often advantages that you don't have. If you don't like him,
it may not be his fault, but it may be the difference in your three views.
6. The psychological harm of anger.
Learn to control your emotions and not be a
slave to them. "Emotional chain" can be called "emotional
contagion", which means that one person's bad mood will affect the good
mood of several people. In management, there is a law called the "kicking
cat effect", which describes a typical contagion of bad emotions. The
content is about a father who was criticized by his boss at the company. When
he got home, he scolded his child who was jumping on the sofa. The child was so
angry that he kicked the cat rolling next to him. The cat fled to the street,
and a truck happened to be driving by. The driver quickly got out of the way,
but the owner on the roadside was hit and injured. This reveals a phenomenon:
people’s dissatisfaction and bad mood are generally transmitted along the chain
of social relationships composed of hierarchy and strength. Spreading from the
tip of the pyramid to the bottom, the weakest element with nowhere to vent
becomes the ultimate victim. In fact, this is a contagion of mental illness.
This kind of "emotional contagion" requires special attention, and it
is even more common in families. The family and everything will be prosperous,
and the years will grow calmly; as long as people live long, "there will
be bread"; "Smile, ten years will pass, worry, and the head will turn
gray" is not a joke, it has its own psychological science. . What I say
here is not to advise everyone not to be angry, but to learn to control their
emotions. After all, anger cannot solve any problems and things will eventually
pass.
7. The physiological harm of anger.
Angry people are prone to heart damage and will
also affect the normal operation of the endocrine system, which will affect
people's health over time. And having a good mood can not only benefit the
body, but also make the body and mind happy, the spirit happy, and healthy and
longevity. And it can also spread to others. Research by James Coyne, a
professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, has proven that in just
20 minutes, a person can be infected by someone else's low mood.
8. It’s “saying that there are no poisons”, not “declaring the five poisons”.
Mencius said: "To love others without being
close to them is to be benevolent; to treat others without being kind is to be
benevolent; to be polite to others is to be contrary to their wisdom; to be
courteous to others is to be contrary to their respect - those who fail to do
what they want are all seeking others, and if they are upright, the world will
return to them." The poem goes : 'Always say your destiny, and ask for
more blessings. Be brave enough to face the flaws in your character, face it when
you encounter problems, don't run away. Don't be an ostrich, running away is
not a good way to solve things. It is better to dissolve enemies than to get
knotted, and to untie bells. You must also tie the bell. Write down your hatred
and the object of hatred in a notebook, ask yourself if it is worth it, if you
can't let it go, and then face it and communicate as if you have completed the
task until you completely let go of the psychological baggage. Only when you
have nothing to do can you travel lightly, do the next thing without
distraction, and live a good life. Time is the best antidote, not a poison that
deepens your heart.
9. Everything cannot be too absolute, and we must be good at using dialectical materialism to look at problems.
People can not escape from doing wrong. Life is
rich and colorful, and things are complex and changeable. Many things are not
absolute and have two sides. Perfect things and complete failures are
unrealistic.
When looking at a person, you should explore more
of his strengths. You can correct your clothes by using others as a mirror. You
can take advantage of others to make up for your own shortcomings. Only by
discovering the strengths of others and learning can you make progress for
yourself. If you deny the whole person because of individual disgust, Human
beings fall into the absolute error. And the current die-hard fans are absolute
idols who are flawless, which is not advisable. We must learn to accept that
everyone is flawed and unique, and those who love others will always love them.
If you implement dialectical thinking for a long time, you will become a person
with a calm character. Always remain positive and never accept the idea to become happy with things or sad with yourself without any reasons.
Naturally, you will not hurt others or do things that you regret.
10. It is better to have fun alone than to have fun together. Making others happy will more easily increase your own happiness index.
There is a lyric that goes like this: Happiness
is contagious, please be generous. Laughter, compassion, joy, and optimism are
all contagious. Smiling often, positive and optimistic people are like good
"conductors", and everyone who comes in contact with them will be
positively affected by them. Feeling more optimistic.
11. The beauty of two ears and one mouth.
Be brave enough to accept criticism! ! Of
course, listening more does not mean listening to everything, you must also
listen well. Listen more and talk less, stay with positive and sunny people,
read more books, read the words of philosophers, think often, and listen to the
voice deep in your heart. Only by speaking less can one think more. Thinkers
have no time to talk nonsense. And if you cherish your thoughts, you will
definitely use words carefully when expressing them, and try your best to speak
accurately and powerfully.
12. It is important to choose a reference for your life progress chart.
I saw some people who became famous at a young
age, such as: Huo Qubing conquered Monan at the age of 17, Alexander the Great
conquered Greece at the age of 19, Han Xin was worshiped as a general at the
age of 25, Lin Biao became an army commander at the age of 23, Xiang Yu (30
years old), Nalan Xingde ( 30 years old), Cao Chong (13 years old); Not only do
you have to be early to become famous, but you also have to do many things
early. If you do it later, it will be too late. Even if you wait until you
finally get it, your mood will be different.
Now think about it, are there a lot of
meaningful things to do? Do you think it is a sin to waste your life in
confusion?
13. Stingy and petty.
Stinginess refers to simplicity, which is
opposite to the common saying of generosity; stinginess refers to the lack of
gentlemanly demeanor, and does not accept other people's suggestions, which
means that one cannot become a great person.
Put an end to stinginess and become a person of
great ability. A well known saying that "The prime minister's stomach can hold a boat". Your own
psychology must develop a habit of a strong digestive system and be able to
encompass everything. As Wen Tianxiang said, the heaven and earth have
righteousness and are endowed with manifolds. Below it is the river and
mountains, and above it is the sun and stars. Enjoy the character of life without falling yourself into trouble and depression. This is a great weapon.
14. To be a better man.
Self-cultivation, embracing all rivers,
tolerance is great. Maybe you won't be that great in the end, but at least you
should be a good person, a positive and sunny person.
B. Some ways to improve your mood
1. In emotional communication, when facing your own negative emotions, the smart way is to "speak out" the emotions rather than "act out".
Several small methods: ① When
you are angry, you can choose to leave the scene to keep your mind clear, and
then think about it carefully, maybe you will think that it is really not a big
deal. ②Be
the one who calls timeout first
2. Keep talking to yourself for 10 minutes every day.
Talking to yourself is actually talking to the
values in your own consciousness. Ask yourself every day whether you have
done meaningful things or work, and whether you have wasted time and experience
on unnecessary things or people. The ancients cherished every inch of their
lives. Thinking of this makes people afraid. Keep yourself busy so that you
don't have all kinds of entanglements in your mind.
3. Stay confident.
The strong may not
necessarily be the winner, but victory sooner or later belongs to those who
have confidence. In other words, if you only accept the best, what you get in
the end is often the best, as long as you have confidence. A person's ability
to do something depends 85% on his attitude and 15% on his intelligence.
Therefore, a person's success or failure depends on whether he is confident. If
this person has low self-esteem, his low self-esteem will kill his intelligence
and consume his energy. will. This is called Dugan's Law.
4. Do you know "The importance of writing.
" ① Take
a piece of paper and start writting the strengths and
weaknesses of your personality. This will avoid always thinking that conflicts are someone else’s
fault and you are the wronged party. List them clearly and concisely on the
paper. ②When
you encounter something unhappy, write it down. I guess I can calm down by
writing this. ③Develop the habit of keeping a diary. After keeping a diary for a
long time, I occasionally look back at the original diary. Do you feel like you
are growing up day by day as a child?
5. Use people as a mirror and analyze more.
Parents are our first teachers. Our thinking patterns and habits are mostly
influenced by our parents. If our parents have character shortcomings, we need
to work harder to overcome and correct them, instead of blindly learning or
ignoring these shortcomings. Parents Inherit and improve the excellent habits
and thinking of your parents, and reflect on whether you also have the
shortcomings of your parents. There is a saying: If you want to know what you
are like in your forties or fifties, just look at your parents! Therefore,
becoming a better person is the best way to repay your parents who have worked
hard to raise you.
6. Put down the so-called face, because it is the least important thing.
I rather agree with this view: Only when the
spiritual world is poor will we worry about face. If you have an extremely rich
spiritual world, such as reading a lot of poems and books, sweating a lot, and
walking among rivers and lakes, you may not care about the so-called face or
what others think of you. As face becomes less and less important, people will
live more and more freely. Avoid caring too much about other people's opinions,
and avoid being erratic and swaying from side to side.
7. Have more contact with people.
Practicing
your expression skills and language skills will also make you more interesting,
chat with strangers and experience the many ways of living in the world.
8. Get along with the good points in others.
Copy a short story: When my younger brother was in kindergarten, he often kept
mentioning how cool and funny his best friend Jim was. Later, when everyone
went to see him, they discovered that Jim was in a wheelchair. On the way back,
everyone asked my brother why he never mentioned the wheelchair. My brother
said lightly: "Because it doesn't matter." This short article made me
think about it for a long time. Sure enough, the world of children is much
purer and simpler than that of adults. Jim is disabled, but that doesn't
prevent him from becoming friends with his brother, because his brother
appreciates his coolness and humor, and the rest really doesn't matter. In this
little brother's conversation, I learned the most important ability in
interacting with others: getting along with other people's strengths.
9. Stay away from negative energy friends.
If
you propose a hundred plans to a person with negative energy, they will deny
you a hundred times, which will make your whole being fall into a very low
level. keep away.
10. Hercules Effect: Don’t be hard on yourself.
The Hercules Effect originates from an ancient
Greek myth. One day, Hercules was walking on the road and saw an ugly bag. He
felt disgusted and stepped on the bag. Suddenly, the ugly bag doubled in size.
Hercules was very angry and stepped on the bag again, causing the bag to double
in size again. In this way, every time Hercules stepped on the bag, the bag
doubled in size. Finally, the ugly bag swelled so much that it blocked
Hercules' path.
Heracles couldn't do anything about the bag,
couldn't pass the road, and felt at a loss. Soon, a saint came to Hercules and
said to him: "This bag is called the bag of hatred. If you give it one
point of hatred, it will return two points of hatred to you."
Only by ignoring it, not violating it, and
staying away from it will it disappear. "Hercules suddenly woke up and decided to stop hating the hate bag. In the blink of an eye, the hate bag
disappeared and the road was opened.
In life, when things do not develop according to
people's predetermined ideas, people will have displeasure, anger and hatred.
When these negative emotions occur, people will instinctively have a rebellious
psychology of "whatever you want from me, I won't let you do it."
This is a typical "confrontation" mentality. When people have this
kind of mentality, they will involuntarily do a lot of things that are
"out of their control" and eventually get lost in these things and
lose sight of themselves.
11. Focus effect:
People tend to regard
themselves as the center of everything and intuitively overestimate the
attention others pay to us. Too many of us care too much about other people's
opinions. However, in the world I see, most people are too lazy to care about
you.
12. Be grateful for everything you already have.
If your job is not going well, think about what
you will do if you lose this job. If you are unhappy today, think about what
you will do if there is no tomorrow. When you are grateful, you will have more
motivation and self-discipline to make the positive changes you want to create
you. The result you always wanted.
C. Cultivation and exercise of willpower
1. Willpower is a unique human trait.
2. Exercise willpower will affect the physical
changes and density of the brain.
3. Try posting photos. For example, if you post
a picture of a god or goddess on the refrigerator or dessert, can you control
yourself from eating it?
4. Meditate, exercise, and exercise. Anything
that gets you out of your bed and chair is exercise.
5. Learn to breathe deeply.
6. How to describe two selves. I can feel the
battle between the two opinions inside my body, and I say loudly: I don’t want
it!
7. Observe your decisions.
8. The adjusted control will become your
instinctive reaction.
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